Perception

Children heal amazingly fast from their physical injuries. It was crazy how fast my little Evan Charlie healed from his broken elbow; even with the surgery and the pins he was as good as new in 6 weeks. Then there is the quick bounce back from their boo boos: "Kiss it and make it better Mommy?" One quick peck or two and the light shines back in their eyes and off they go as if nothing ever happened.

If only everything was that simple.

I think if most of us adults were honest with ourselves, we would admit to having at least one or two emotional injuries from our past that rear up their ugly heads to haunt us from time to time. Why are these things so difficult to overcome? Why are they so scary to face head on?
Wish I knew the answer to that! Then maybe I could fix it right now!

All I know is that this whole thing starts with perception. As a child all I see is what happens, not why. All I know is how I feel, not what others intend. I only see a fraction of the story, and base my entire understanding of it on that portion. I'm no psychologist or anything, but I know that a lot of hurts are caused by misunderstandings and miscommunication - children are very limited in this. However, it does not mean that these painful memories aren't very real.

Now, due to the wonderful innocence and truthfulness of children, they have an ability of seeing right through people to their true motivations. There are situations where the adult involved truly has wrong intentions in their actions, and the emotional hurt that follows is to be expected.

I write all this to say that as I recount the things that hurt me, and the people who hurt me, I can only report what my perception was as a child. I cannot entirely judge the people involved, as I don't have a full understanding of everything. Yet, these things are extremely real to me. All I can do is open up these memories to Jesus for healing... and so I begin!

So Hurt Inside

I have sought professional counseling, spent weeks with a trusted spiritual mentor, read books, begged God, and even been anointed with oil and prayed over and still my past memories of hurts haunt me. If they do not rise up within me during the day, they are resurrected in my dreams. My mind is constantly cooking up new and worse evils lurking in the next phone call or meeting with the people that have offended me so deeply. Don't get me wrong, much progress has been made... but I still have so much fear, so much hurt, so many issues!
I start this blog as a way to get all these buried feelings out of me. Perhaps if they can escape my mind through the keys on my laptop, they will never return to wreak havoc on my peace of mind!
This is not meant to hurt those that hurt me... this is only for my healing.